January 30, 2012

January 30, 2012 is  a day I will never forget.

In life so many of our days are pretty much in the center of the bell shape curve. They are average. Nothing significantly good or nothing significantly bad. Of the roughly  11,800 days that I have been alive, I can name or count probably 10 really amazing days (when I got engaged, when I got married, when my nieces/nephews were born, when I found out I was going to the Oprah show – totally not kidding) and probably the same number of bad days. So when you have a significant day, it stands out.

I knew January 30^th would either be a day that changed my entire life or it would stay exactly the same.

I woke up January 30^th feeling calm and peaceful. Two things I had been working on.  For the first time in months, Tommy was not feeling extreme chronic pain. As I drove to the doctor’s office that day, I honestly felt like I was in one of those Disney movies where the birds are chirping all around you. I didn’t realize how much stress I had been carrying from living with Tommy’s neck and back pain.

I got to the doctor’s office and had my blood drawn. I felt very at peace that whatever was the outcome of that blood test, it was going to be okay.  I prayed about it all the way to work and was somehow calm and able to let it go…knowing in a few hours I would either be having one of the greatest days of my life or settling back into the life I was familiar with.

My phone rang around 9:30. I actually knew the number. It was a doctor, only another doctor’s office – my dermatologist.  The week before I had noticed a spot on my chest that I had convinced myself was the non-deadly skin cancer. I made an appointment for two weeks out…then breaking all the rules of skin spot knowledge, I looked online. Convinced I had basal cell carcinoma, I called the doctor and they got me in the very next day.  The doctor wasn’t worried, which relaxed me a great deal, but went ahead and did a biopsy anyway.  This call had been hanging over my head. The reassurance that everything was going to be okay.  Luckily, the nurse had good news for me – it was benign, common and nothing to worry about.  Again, another weight had been lifted off my shoulder. Another prayer answered.

At about 11 I was about to enter the bathroom stall and I did that gross thing that people do – go to the bathroom with their phone.  Truth be told, I was opening the stall door when it rang, so I wasn’t technically in the bathroom with the phone.  Because, let’s be honest, whether you are waiting on a call from your doctor  or not, that is kind of gross. 

Knowing the number, I dashed out of that bathroom in 2.2 seconds and, again, felt strangely at peace.  I anticipated this moment would be full of heart palpitations and needing to sit down from stress.  Surprisingly, the conversation was completely lucid and I can remember where I was exactly when the girl asked how I was doing and I said “great” and then she told me my day was about to get even better. I was on the stairs, just about to get to the landing. She shared with me that I was, in fact, pregnant.  We shared details of my next blood test and whatever my numbers were (118) and that I needed to come back in 4 days to make sure everything was multiplying like it should. On February 3, 2012, she called again and confirmed to me that my numbers did indicate what they should – that I was pregnant.

If there ever was a day that was a gift, a miracle, a blessing, a sign that God heard my prayers, it was Monday, January 30, 2012.  I feel so lucky.

I wrote this last year about a week after I found out I was pregnant and just kept it for myself. Reading it actually makes me tear up to know that this day a year later we now have our precious little girl. I am still so grateful for our sweet gift and thought I would share for those of you who might also have struggled with having a baby. I pray your day will come soon.

PS- Reading this reminded me of Tommy’s back and neck issues. He is sooo much better now. I will share with you guys in a post (you know in my spare time J) what helped him so much!